The Day I Realized I Was Avoiding Myself
Mine was the kitchen sink though. Just standing there, staring at dirty dishes, realizing I couldn’t remember the last time I had a real thought that wasn’t about chores or work or obligations. I had this moment of “is this it?” which sounds dramatic but wasn’t—it was quiet, like your brain trying to whisper over the noise. That’s when I knew I’d gone numb. I wasn’t feeling bad, I just wasn’t feeling anything. I didn’t know what I needed or even what I liked anymore. I started writing stuff down, trying to make sense of it all, and came across the liven reviews. What made me try it wasn’t the promise of change—it was the fact that it helped people track and reflect between therapy sessions, or even just on their own. The first week using it was weirdly uncomfortable, like I was reading my own mind for the first time. But then I started noticing patterns—like how often I talk myself out of things I actually want, or how much I downplay my own needs. The app didn’t fix me (because I wasn’t broken), but it helped me listen better. To myself. I started making small changes based on what I actually needed, not just what I thought I should do. And those small changes added up. I’m still figuring things out, but I don’t feel invisible to myself anymore—and that’s huge.
Isn’t it strange how long we can carry habits or ways of thinking without noticing they were never really ours to begin with? Sometimes I wonder what I’d be like if I had questioned all of it earlier — but maybe that kind of clarity only comes in the middle of the mess.